Christmas Ponderings:Christ's Beauty & Our Ugliness....

Well, it’s here. It’s almost Christmas time. Just one more day. I love this season. Maybe it’s because I gravitate towards all things beautiful and for me, Christmas encompasses beauty. The glowing lights. The decorated Christmas trees. The smell of fresh baked cookies. Evenings spent by a crackling fire. Watching Christmas movies with my family. Nat King Cole singing Christmas classics. Holiday parties with friends. Getting to wear a pretty dress. I love it.

Yet, it’s so easy to gloss over this season with all the busyness and chaos and fail to feel the weight of why we’re really here celebrating and why there is a reason for Christmas. Have we really stopped and were still long enough to let it all sink in?

We as humans are naturally drawn to beauty- beautiful things, views, people, music, stories etc. This season is beautiful and the Christmas story is beautiful too. But the beauty of this story isn’t one that the world really esteems. In a world that loves fame and fortune and the glamorous- Jesus didn’t fit the mold. The people of Israel were anticipating an earthly king to come with a sword in his fist ready to deliver them from the oppression of the Romans. Jesus came as a baby, to a lowly virgin girl from a no name town called Nazareth, and was born in a stable amongst the sheep and donkeys. This wasn’t what they had planned. Yet, Isaiah prophesied of Jesus’ lowly coming.

“For He grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; He had no form of majesty that we should look at Him, and no beauty that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces. He was despised and rejected and we esteemed Him not.” –Isaiah 53:2-3

As I read the gospels I get so frustrated of the blindness of the people of Israel. How could they be so oblivious? The long awaited Messiah-King Jesus had come! He was right in front of them and yet, they did not see it. He was the One who the prophets of old we're talking about! Yet, would I be any different? Me, who naturally esteems the gorgeous, rich and famous? Would I even notice? I’d like to think I would but what if Jesus had come in our day? Would we esteem Him? Would we recognize our Messiah? He probably wouldn’t be the leading televangelist, or have millions of followers on social media. He would probably be a no body in our eyes.

Thankfully Jesus is completely different from us. We gravitate to earthly beauty. We esteem it. We value it. We are drawn to it. The opposite- we aren’t so fond of. Jesus on the other hand, who is the King of Heaven with overwhelming love- He is drawn to us- the ugly. Not to us on our good days, when we are doing the right things or when we “have it all together.” No. Jesus- God Almighty- left the glories, the comfort, the beauty and praise of Heaven to come to earth. He came to be nothing to a world that esteemed Him not. He came to us- the ugly, rebellious, filthy and tyrant people and we hated Him. We spit at Him. We rejected Him. We failed to see Him as our Savior and ultimately killed Him. Yet, in loving-kindness and unfathomable grace He came. Not in a way that we would praise and esteem Him.

He the Most High King became the lowest of the low, so that us- the lowest of the low may be counted as righteous and holy, adopted children of the Most High.

Grace and love. Peace and perfect justice. Floodgates of mercy… all wrapped in a swaddling clothes laying in a manger in Bethlehem. He’s not what was expected. There was no loveliness that would bring the multitudes and make the front page of the news. He was born in humility. But He is exactly what we need. In our shame, our defiant rebellion, dead in our sin- He came. He came to our ugly mess and bid us to come to Him. He didn’t turn away in disgust. He didn’t reject us. But He bore our sin. He became one of us so that we could be counted as one of His.

His coming, His living, His dying, His resurrection has nothing to do with our worthiness. It’s about Him. It’s completely undeserved on our part. A.W. Tozer in a prayer in his book Knowledge of the Holy articulates this beautifully:

“We are sure that there is nothing in us that could attract the love of One as holy and just as Thou art. Yet Thou hast declared Thine unchanging love for us in Christ Jesus. If nothing in us can win Thy love, nothing in the universe can prevent Thee from loving us. Thy love is uncaused and undeserved. Thou art Thyself the reason for the love wherewith we are loved. Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us. Then love will cast out fear; and our troubled hearts will be at peace, trusting not in what we are but in what Thou hast declared Thyself to be. Amen.”

This season is beautiful and enjoy it. But please don’t let it go by without stopping and pondering the real Beauty- Jesus. King of Kings come to earth to redeem an ugly people like you and me.

We have a Savior.

His Name is Jesus.

He is greater than we can ever imagine.

We are worse off than we’d ever like to admit.

Yet, we are more loved than we could ever hope.

LIFE: Here and Now.

 I’m a visionary. I’m a dreamer… a big dreamer that is. I’m a planner. I like things laid out and planned out to the T. Maybe that sounds more like a control freak but whatever. J 

For me, the tendency is to always look to the future and say, “If only…” 

If only I had someone.

If only I was married.

If only I had my dream house.

If only I had a better paying job.

If only I had a newer car. 

If only my Pinterest fashion board was actually in my closet.

If only.... Well, you get the point.... then I could be happy. I would actually feel like I have purpose. I could actually start “living' then.

But here’s the lie.

 The Enemy wants us to either… 1.) Look back at our past and believe that life was better back then (Example: the Israelites- even though they had the pillar of cloud and fire to guide them, they wanted to go back to captivity in Egypt. Why? Because leeks and onions and slavery sounded better than manna in the wilderness with the Presence of the Lord.) or 2.) The Enemy will have us look to the future and believe that life will better if we only ______ (fill in the blank) the grass is always greener on the other side philosophy.

He wants us to ignore the present. Here and now, what the Sovereign Lord has appointed for us to do today.

 It’s so easy to think that these days in waiting don’t have significance or purpose. Believe me, I know… it’s hard. Sometimes I feel like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for forty years just waiting for the day to cross over into the promise land.  

Truth is-

We've been given today to live.

Today is a gift.

We woke up this morning. 

Thank Jesus for it. 

There is purpose.

Don’t cast it off as if it doesn't matter.

I’m twenty-two. I’m single. I’m a nanny to twin girls. Most days, I’m wiping baby butts, sweeping Cheerios off the kitchen floor, and chasing after energetic two year olds, all while consuming multiple cups of coffee. Life can be pretty mundane at times. However, I must look at the greater picture of what God is doing rather than just my 3x5 snapshot of life at the moment. He is using this to sanctify me for a greater purpose. This season is necessary. 

When we see that God is up to something bigger than just our little view of life- it gives purpose to the most mundane of days.

As Charles Spurgeon said, “Remember this, had any condition been better for you than the one in which you are in, Divine Love would have put you there.”

So what is Divine Love teaching me? Here and Now?

1.)    He satisfies the longing soul. (Psalm 107:9) He is truly enough. He is the Well that does not run dry. He meets every desire and every longing with Himself. He alone is the satisfier of my thirsty heart.

2.)    He is worthy of my trust. (Psalm 20:7; 143:8-10) Jesus holds every moment of my life in His hands. Every day of my life was written in His book even before I took my first breath. He knows what He is doing. He is Lord over all. He is Sovereign. I can trust Him completely- even when I don’t understand His ways or leading… One thing is for sure. I can trust Him.

3.)    I am not alone. (Deuteronomy 31:8; Zechariah 2:5) He is here. With me. Here and now. He hasn’t forsaken me. He is walking every mile of this journey with me. He goes before me. He stands beside me. He is my shield and defender. I do not need to fear.

4.)    Surrender. (Galatians 2:20) All to Jesus. I surrender. All to Him- I freely give. Exchange my plans- for His. My expectations- for His. Life isn’t about my dreams coming true- True Life is found surrendered at the Cross of Jesus Christ.

5.)    Wait upon the Lord. (Psalm 25:3; 27:13-14) His timing is absolutely flawless. Even when it looks as if nothing is happening or moving forward He is working! He is doing something! I will not be disappointed when I wait and trust for His perfect timing.

6.)    Worship is a Weapon. (Psalm 30:4; 11-12) Worshipping Jesus is a weapon against the Enemy and against an unthankful, restless and discontent heart. It’s not if I worship but what I worship. The Enemy wants me to worship anything but Jesus. Set my heart to worshiping Jesus and continually gazing upon Him. Let every moment become an offering of praise back to Jesus- then I’m reminded of His goodness, His faithfulness and His worthiness. Thanksgiving is one of the least used weapons we have. Cultivate a thankful, worshipful heart.

This gives a whole new perspective to living. Jesus, the Sovereign Lord has appointed today for us to live for His glory, to magnify His Name, to speak of His goodness and faithfulness, to trust Him, to rest in His sovereignty over our lives.

 We have been given today.

So live it.

Whether we’re single, married, in school, flipping burgers at McDonalds, working an office job in a cubicle, or living the dream, we are responsible to live today for the glory of Jesus Christ.

 Don’t get caught up in the things we wish we could change or the things we wish we had.  If we truly believe God is Sovereign over EVERY moment of our lives, and He knows exactly what His children need then we have to believe that here and now is God’s best for us.

Dear friends, find satisfaction in Jesus. Trust Him. Know you are not alone. Wait upon Him and in the waiting- worship Him continually with thanksgiving. Taste and see what He is truly GOOD and all that we will ever need.

“Single life may be only a stage of a life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gift with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time and it has to be lived- not always looked forward to as though the ‘real’ living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

  

Withholdings....

“I just want God’s best for my life.”

Two years ago, when I prayed those words I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into.  For me, I thought God’s best was my dreamiest fairytales coming true and life would happen exactly how I pictured… Sure, there would be a few little bumps in the road- but God’s best is always good so thus, it must be happy, easy, not messy or complicated. (I’m an idealist ok?!?! :) 

What I didn't know when I asked for God's best was that I was walking into two of the hardest, most difficult, uglinest, messy, complicated and depressing years of my life. It was not even close fairlytale- it was more like a constantly, raging battleground for my heart, soul, devotion, affection and life itself.

I’ll spare you the gory details of these two years but bottom line this that they for the majority of the time-SUCKED.  I lost relationships, loved ones, best friends and almost my faith in God and what I knew to be true about Him and who I was in Him. 

I felt hurt, betrayed, abandoned and lost.

You see, I was set on seeing the “BEST” come to pass- the perfect, care-free life finally happen. The love story, engagement, wedding, marriage, house, babies, etc. etc.

Well, truth is that boys have come and went and my hopes got caught up in the thought that THIS might actually be THE ONE. This actually might be my time to shine and fall in love. Time to get the biggest diamond ring put on my finger and FINALLY start planning the wedding I’ve dreamed about since I was 5. I could actually join in on blowing up Facebook and Instagram newfeeds with cheesy selfies for Mancrush Mondays and sapppy declarations of love.. oh and don't forget the perfect, artistically framed engagement pictures...just so that everyone in the social media world would know that MARIAH FOWLER has finally found THE ONE!!!!

Sighhhh...

NOPE.

Mariah is still single.

And as much as I would wish, hope and pray it still wasn’t (and isn’t) happening.

“This wasn’t what I had planned, God. This surely isn’t your best for my life- because if it was- I’d be happy and content right?”

No.

The purpose of all of this is much deeper that just getting my way and the perfect life..

 Let’s face it… IT DOESN’T EXIST!!!!

This is about JESUS getting FULL and COMPLETE glory out of my life.

 This means that life will be hard and painful and awkward and really sucky at times. But in return God gets great glory when we throw up our hands in surrender and say,

“God, I don’t have it all together and I’m a complete wreck and my life is a complicated mess and I have no idea what You’re doing right now and how this will work out. 

But I CHOOSE to believe and trust who YOU are and who YOU say I am.”

In all reality- the fairytale has already begun- His name is Jesus. He is absolutely perfect. He is exactly what I need. His love is faithful and true- never moody, or flakey or failing-even after He sees the ugliest and worst in me. It was actually at my worst- when I was a rebel, dead in my sin that He fell in love- to the point that He gave His very life to redeem me and make me His bride. He has washed me clean and given me a new name- His very own, so that I can be identified with His perfect righteousness and spotless purity. He is Sovereign- He holds EVERY second of EVERY minute of EVERY hour of EVERY day of EVERY week of EVERY year of my life in His hands and not for ONE MOMENT will He stop being God. He will never leave me or abandon me in this life or in the next. 

PERIOD. END OF STORY.

Oh what glorious LOVE He has richly and freely lavished upon us!

So yes, life is hard and in and of myself- my flesh would not have chosen the path that I am walking. But this is God’s best for me- here and now- messiness and all. 

This is    H I S  B E S T. 

Do I still have desires and dreams? YES. Do I still want to get married and have a family? YES. Do I still feel lonely? YES. But in God choosing not to give these things to me in this season is not Him trying to make me miserable or torture me... No, it’s actually because of His great and unfailing mercy that He withholds, even good things, like marriage or relationships. In the waiting, He is using this to sanctify me. Teaching me to continually trust Him and not my own understanding. To rest in His sovereignty. To be content and patient. To enjoy life here and now as a single woman. To believe that His plans are still to prosper even when I've made a wreck of my life.... 

It's not because He doesn't love me that He withholds... it's actually the fact that He loves me too much to let my hope in anything less than Christ. 

Anything short of Jesus will only leave us disappointed and empty.

It is for our greatest good that He does not let us have our way in the end.

The question is.... do we trust Him?

“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what it meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

–CS LEWIS

“You make known to me the path of life. In Your Presence there is fullness of joy. At Your right hand is pleasures forevermore.” 

–Psalm 16:11

Let Us Not Forget....

Have you ever had that moment when you are spending time in the Word and you realize that you are a lot like the person or people you are reading about?? Well, I had a moment this last weekend when I was reading in Nehemiah 8-9. The people of God are repenting and confessing sin after their land is in shambles. So the writer gives an overview of what has happened to the people of God.

So here’s my summary…..

Abram was found faithful so God changed his name to Abraham and made a covenant with him that his descendants would be a numerous as the stars. God’s promise was kept and they flourished until they were held in oppressing captivity in Egypt. God sees their affliction so He raises up a leader-Moses to lead them out of slavery. He shows His power and strength to Pharaoh and all of Egypt by signs and wonders. The Lord divides the Red Sea delivering them from the hand of the Egyptians. He leads them by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The Lord provides for them giving them everything they need. He gave Moses the 10 Commandments on Mount Sinai. Then they start having troubles. They don’t like the Law. So they refuse to obey and forget all that God has done for them. They make a golden calf to worship and appointed a leader to take them back to captivity in Egypt. Because to them life was better in slavery than freedom in the wilderness. The Lord gave them over to their enemies and they suffered hardship. But the Lord because of His great mercy heard their cries from Heaven. He raised up leaders to fight and save them from their enemies. But after they were delivered and had rested and got comfortable- they sinned and they abandoned the Lord- rejecting His Law. So they were given over to their enemies again- but when they cried out in their distress the Lord heard them and delivered them again and again.

As I read this I had so many interrogative questions I wanted to plague the Israelites with.  

“Really, Israelites? Really??? How could you forget all that God had done for you?”

“How could you rebel when the Lord had provided everything for you? “

“How could you rebel when you had seen all of God’s signs and wonders and how He delivered you out of Egypt?”

“How could you think that slavery is better than being led through the wilderness by God Almighty?”

“ How could you rebel after God delivered you from your enemies?”

But in asking all these questions about the rebellion of the Israelites the Lord so graciously convicted my heart with this very bare and honest reality.

“Aren't you like them too? Remember how you forget all that I have done for you?”

“How I have provided and sustained you and yet you fail to remember that it is Me and Me alone that leads and guides you.”

“Haven’t you wanted to go back to “Egypt” instead of staying in the wilderness where I am?”

This is all so true. The people of God today are probably a lot more like the Israelites in the wilderness than we’d like to admit. We accuse the Israelites of being faithless and rebellious but fail to see the rebellion in our own hearts. We see how they forgot to see God’s goodness and faithfulness and think, “How could they? Wasn't it so obvious how He graciously was caring for them?” Yet, we do the same thing. Failing to see How He mercifully cares and sustains us by His grace and loving-kindness.  We are astonished when the Israelites erect a golden calf to worship but we fail to see or deny the idols we have raised up in our own lives. We see how the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt to slavery because there was “prosperity and happiness” instead of staying in the wilderness with the Lord. Yet, haven’t we wished when trial and difficulty come to go back to our “Egypt?”

Thinking that.....

“Life would be better if I went back to my partying days.”

“Life would be easier if I wasn't so passionate about Christ.” 

“Life would be more fun if I didn't obey all of God’s commands.” 

 Following God is too hard... I'm just going to take a break and do my own thing for a while."

“Surely, He wants me to be happy.”

 Are we not guilty of this?

Time and time again we forget all that the Lord has done for us.

How He has DELIVERED us from sin and death.

How He has REDEEMED us from the penalty of our sin which we rightly deserved.

How He has LOVED us with an everlasting, unending and unconditional love.

How He has ADOPTED us as sons and daughters and given us the inheritance of His very own Son Jesus.

How He has given EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through His Spirit living inside of us.

How He SUSTAINS us by His Grace.

How He PROVIDES for our every need.

How He is FAITHFUL even when we are faithless.

How He is so GRACIOUS and MERCIFUL to our wandering hearts. 

Yes. We are a lot like the Israelites.

But the good thing is that the God of the Israelites is our God too. 

“But You are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and did not forsake them.” (Nehemiah 9:17b  ESV)

He is far more loving, far more patient and faithful than we deserve. Let us not forget that…. “Nevertheless, in Your great mercies You did not make an end of them or forsake them, for You are a gracious and merciful God.” (Nehemiah 9:31  ESV)

Let us not forget.

 Let us always remember.

 Let us always see His goodness. 

Let us always worship.

Even in the wilderness…..

The Bigger Picture...

Writing a post on marriage, love and relationships is just a little daunting for this single girl. I'm not an expert or a seasoned wife writing from years of experience. However, God has been pressing this very thing on my heart for the last little while. I want to share with you what HE has been and is currently teaching me.

 

I think I'm like most  girls- from the time I was little I always dreamed about the day when I would fall in love, plan a wedding, get married, have babies and live "happily ever after." When I was a little girl, I had a beautiful white lace dress that I used to play dress up in. I practically lived in that dress for most of my childhood until I grew out of it. That little dress, made me feel like a princess. I would dance and spin around in it. I even pranced around the house pretending I was walking down the aisle to meet my "imaginary groom." :)
 

The thing that I have realized since those days as a little girl is that marriage goes beyond just falling in love, weddings, honeymoons and white picket fences. Yes, the romance is a vital thing in the life of a couple. But marriage as God intended it to be- can be a beautiful picture of Christ and His Bride.

 

God has made us a people who desire communion, fellowship and intimacy with God and each other... which is a very good thing! When He made the world, there was perfect communion between God and man... yet, "it was not good that man be alone."  Thus, God made a helper for Adam- a woman fit for him who was there to encourage and support him and fill the earth through procreation. As Voddie Baucham says, "Have babies. Have lots of em."

 

But sin entered the world and today, marriages and relationships look far differently from what they did in the beginning and what God intended them to be. There's pain, rejection, hurt, heartbreak, unfaithfulness and divorce.

 

But as Christians, God has first given us the privilege of being called His sons and daughters...bearing His name and then commissioned to be His Hands and Feet in this broken world. But do we realize the weight of what a Christian marriage represents? When we see the big picture of what marriage is, what it can be when Christ is at the center and what it calls us to be- we won't settle for just anybody. God has given us the responsibility and opportunity to be a living, breathing demonstrating and representation of Christ and His love for His Bride-the church.

So love and marriage must be more than just Cupid striking, a feeling, a charmer, a handsome face or saying all the right things.  So if our lives, relationships and marriages are to be patterned after Christ- we must look to Him- the Author of Love, in order to know what love truly is. It is He who created and ordained it for He is Love itself. So we must look through His eyes to know how we are to love each other. If Christ is going to be glorified in a marriage it must be first and foremost made up of a man and a woman who have individually set their sights on the King of Kings and have lost sight of all beside. They must look to Him first as their satisfaction, joy, and hope. Then together they are able to give God glory in their lives individually and together as a couple. It starts with beholding Christ. Looking to Him and as we gaze upon Him- we are made like Him.

 

In Scripture over and over again, God declares His love and faithfulness to His children. They weren't  perfect, obedient children but most of them were unfaithful, unbelieving, distracted, and faithless people. I think we can be a lot like that too sometimes, don't you think?

Yet, God declares,

"I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I will continue my faithfulness to you."

(Jeremiah 31:3)

 

 God pursues His people and loves them regardless of whether they love Him back. Even while we were still sinners- enemies of God- Christ died for us. It was His pursuit of our hearts that drove Him to the cross and caused His blood to be shed on our behalf. His love for us was not because of anything we could do or feeling we could give God but solely because He deeply, passionately loves us.

Voddie Baucham in his sermon series entitled "Love and Marriage" (which I highly recommend) says it better than I ever could.

"Biblical love is an act ( a choice) of the will, accompanied by emotion (not led by emotion but not void of emotion) that leads to action on behalf of its object. Jesus is our model for biblical love. He didn't feel like going to the cross- but He chose to love the church. It was accompanied by emotion so intense that He sweat drops of blood and it led to action on behalf of its object. Jesus didn't need the cross- You and I did. He didn't do it because it made Him feel good about Himself. He did it because it was the only way for His Bride to be redeemed. That is biblical love. This is a love that will last- a love that is stable and it is a foundation for a godly marriage to be built upon."

 -Voddie Baucham

So what does this look like practically? I can't give you a map and say, "follow X, Y and Z and it will turn out perfectly into happily ever after.  But I can tell you is...Look to Jesus. It's only His power through the work of the Holy Spirit that enable us to be the men and women, single people, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers that God calls us to be.

I know this is kind of scattered thoughts but I hope this encourages and challenges you as it has me to be what God has designed us to be.  I'm working on digging deeper into this and will probably write more about it. You'll just have to wait and see! Hopefully it won't be another 6 months before I post again. Promise... I won't.  :)

 

The Difficult Life....

This life is not easy. I have questioned why God allows us to struggle, why He allows pain, heartache, difficulty and pain into our lives. I have asked Him so many questions of ‘why?’ but more than just explanations and answers He proves to me time and time again that He, Himself is the answer. In the midst of despair and trial He shows us that He is truly all that we need and all that our hearts really long for.

Tonight, as I drove home after spending some time in a coffee shop, I began to pray and ask God for the harder way- a difficult life. At first, I wasn't sure if I knew exactly what I was praying.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked myself.

I know what this means and what it will cost but I have no other option.

 This is the way I must go.

This is what He has called me to.

The difficult life will be just that. Difficult. It will be hard. It means following God not matter the cost. It means going against culture and popular opinion. It means complete, daily surrender. It means loneliness. It means being willing to and actually going into the most hellish of places to rescue souls out of the Enemy’s grip. It means losing comfort and ease. It means a potential life of singleness or becoming a young widow (as Elisabeth Elliot did.) It means taking in the worst of the worst, the most broken and misbehaved orphaned children. It could mean living in a dirt hut in the middle of nowhere. It means enduring harsh criticism and persecution. This calling entails hitting the Enemy head on with the force and unction of the Most High and engaging in spiritual warfare and attack.

It could mean losing my very life.

But more than what I “go without” or “lose” in this life it is more about what I get- JESUS. The harder way means living in complete dependence and trust in the Lord. We get to see Jesus move and change lives. We see God provide in supernatural ways. We are able to watch the most broken lives be restored and redeemed. It means seeing the Enemy trampled underfoot as Jesus is crowned KING OF KINGS in what was once Satan’s stronghold. It is having the Living God- His very presence dwelling within us. This life is a God-sized adventure filled with highest joy and greatest reward. The life that God calls us to is not based to our feelings and ups and downs but despite of them, we fix our eyes of Jesus and His very nature and promises. Despite of our circumstances we find joy and peace in Him alone.

Asking for the harder way is completely against my nature and most people’s tendencies. I like everything easy-which probably explains why I despise working out and running. I hate the aching muscles, the sweating and feeling out of breath. But if there is no exercise there are no results. Only more pounds gained and a bigger pooch in my midsection right? But though it is hard it is worth it. Because in the end, we get healthier, stronger, and have more endurance.

Isn't this the same with the Christian life? We don’t like pain, trials and struggles but those are the very things in life that bring the greatest rewards and make us stronger.

There are so many times where the easiest thing to do is sit on the couch, watch TV and put off exercising. So many times spiritually I want to just sit on the couch and ignore what God is calling me to. Deny God’s call for the harder way. I just want to be happy. I just want an easy life. I don’t want to feel the “sore muscles” spiritually. I just want to stay in my safe little Christian bubble.

He has called us to more.

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”  

  -Mark 8:34-36

This is the harder way- a difficult path but it is the path of my Jesus and in His footsteps….. I will follow.

“All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now compared to this

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You

There is no greater thing

You're my all, You're the best

You're my joy, my righteousness

And I love You Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know You more

To be found in You and know as Yours

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life

And to know You in Your sufferings

To become like You in Your death, my Lord

So with You to live and never die”



“Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear)”  words by Graham Kendrick

Nothing Between...

The life of following Jesus requires patience, expectancy and waiting on the Lord for His leading and will to be done. One thing I have realized is that I don’t like to wait. I want my goals, hopes and dreams to be accomplished and to be a reality now rather than waiting patiently for God’s best. With following the Lord comes trials, difficulties and pain. I have realized like most people, I don't like it.... at all. I want to be happy. I want my way. I want what I think is best. 

God could give me all I have ever dreamed, hoped or asked for- He is not limited. However, He is choosing to wait, to refine, to strip all away, so that I may know HIM and ONLY HIM. He could give me my heart’s desire- right now, yet, I would miss the opportunity of intimately knowing His heart and His love. It is because of His great love and mercy that He withholds what we think we long for most so that in the end He may be crowned most dear and glorious in our hearts.

He has called me to wait upon Him and trust Him. Often times, we think the reward of waiting on God is getting the thing that we are waiting for, but maybe our reward is Jesus, Himself?

This is an excerpt from Robert Kelfer’s poem called, “Waiting on the Lord.”

“He seemed to kneel and His eyes wept with me,
And He tenderly said,
"I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give and pleased you would be.
You would have all you want- but You wouldn't know Me."

"You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence were all You could see."

"You'd never experience that fullness of love as the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save (for a start),
But You'd not know the depth of My Heart."

"The flow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that is beyond getting just what you asked of an infinite God, who makes what you have last."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that, "My grace is sufficient for you." 
Yes, your dreams for loved ones overnight would come true,
But oh the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!"

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that:
THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

Through this time of waiting, the Lord has and is stripping me of everything outside of Himself- everything that I find security and joy in apart from Him. These trials, this pain, suffering, dark nights, loss, difficulties are opportunities to reach out to God and rest in His love. It is in His love that He strips us of everything that we cling to and rely on so that in the end all we can say is, “All I have is Christ.”

I feel like I put a quote from Elisabeth Elliot in every blog post, however, this dear woman has been a Spiritual mentor and inspiration for me in this season.  She writes, “I am not a theologian or a scholar but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary for all of us. In my own life, I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the Presence of God and the Love of God.”  

“God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.”  -Elisabeth Elliot

“I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” –Elisabeth Elliot

As we wait, as we trust, as we walk through the dark nights. He is here. He is near. May we live close to Him and may there be nothing between my soul and my Savior.

I'm miles away from seeing the story You're writing
When You give and You take, it's hard to embrace Your timing
When I'm watching the walls burn to the ground around me
I just wanna know what it is, You're trying to show me

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

I'm starting to see why this is called the narrow road
Cause if I wanna walk this way, oh I've gotta stay close
I'd leave anything in the fire to bring us together
I want nothing between my soul and my Savior

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

If it comes between You and Me
Let it burn 'cause You're all I need
You're all I need

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

I want nothing between my soul and my Savior
Nothing between

“Nothing Between” –Sanctus Real

Every Reason to Trust.....

Confession. I am a planner. I always have and probably will always be. I was the girl that started packing for a trip weeks before. I’m the girl who has dreamed of weddings from the time I was little and I have lists of future baby names that I have made over the years. In my head and in my “plans” for my life it looked so simple. Go to college. Major in this degree. Fall in love- get married and have a baby 2.5 years later. Have 4-6 children about 2 years apart- two biological and the rest adopted. Yeah, it seemed like I had it all figured out right? Well, God has a great sense of humor because everything that I had “planned” has not happened. I have not gone to college and pursued a degree. I don’t know when or if I will get married. I don’t know if I will have children either.

I am so thankful for this. If I knew how everything turned out. If I had a very clear picture of what I was supposed to do with my life then there would be no reason to fully depend on the LORD. Not knowing the future or at least no having an idea of what is next goes completely against my nature. But it is through this that the Lord turned my self-reliance and independence to reliance and dependence upon Him.

Psalm 139 says, “O LORD, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways…..You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me….Where shall I go from Your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your Presence? Of I ascend to Heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me….. For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139: 1-3; 5; 7-10; 13-16)

 

Do we see these verses as realities in our lives? That God knows us intimately because He formed us and made us and His works are wonderful? Do we believe that God is continually with us? That there is no place where we can flee from His presence? That all our days were ordained for us even before we took our first breath?

He knows us. He knows us intimately. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows every thought, every emotion we experience. He knows every fear and care. He knows every joy and every tear. He knows the past, present and future. He holds everything in His hands and there is nothing out of His reach.

My friends, do we believe this? Do we believe this as a reality for US- for OUR LIVES? Do the ways we live our lives reflect this solid Truth? That we live our lives in faith- trusting in the Author and Creator who is sovereign over all and faithful to guide, direct and lead, provide and protect us?

If we believe this- we have every reason to TRUST GOD.

We may never understand God’s leading or why He allows us to go through difficulties, tragedies and trials, but we, God’s children can fully depend upon our Good Father whose ways are above our own, and whose wisdom is beyond us.

Though, I may not know the way I go- but oh, I know my Guide!

Speaking of My Heart's Treasure....

    I came across this very convicting verse last night. Luke 6:45- "The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

Wow. What is in my heart is what will come out of my mouth.

What I am dwelling on....what I am focusing on and delighting in my heart is what I am going to talk about.

    Have you been around someone who just got into a relationship or got married and all they talk about is their significant other?  It is because they love him or her and it brings them great joy to talk about them. They want to tell anyone who will listen how great the person is, what they did with them, how they met, what fun things they do when they are together etc.

    If Christ is our treasure....If He is our delight... then why are we so hesitant to talk about Him? If He holds our highest affection then why do our words speak so little of Him and so much of us?

    Because as it says in Luke 6- that the good treasure of our heart will produce good fruit ..... and out of the abundance of the heart our mouth will speak. Is Christ truly our Treasure? Does our words and actions reflect that reality of our souls?

     In Philippians 4:8, Paul says, "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things."

    T he same thing can be said about our words. Are the things we are speaking True? Honorable? Just? Pure? Lovely? Commendable? Excellent? Worthy of praise?

    Colossians 1:10- says "...walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."

Are we walking in a manner worthy of the Lord which is pleasing to Him?

    Colossians 3:8-10, Paul writes, "But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator."

Later on in the chapter is says....


   "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the Name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Colossians 8:12-17)

 
    See, this is just not behavior modification. It is not just stopping gossiping or not telling a crude joke.... it comes down to the root of the issue... We must behold Christ. He must dwell in our hearts. The Holy Spirit must have full reign within our souls.

    He must have the supreme place within our hearts... As we behold Him... as we decrease so that He might increase our words and actions will testify of the One who holds our heart.

So what do our lips testify of? Our Treasure- Jesus Christ or the treasures of this world?

   May we turn our eyes upon Jesus... would we look full in His wonderful face.... And may the things of this world go strangely dim.... in the light of His glory and grace.

Within the Mighty Fortress

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters His voice and the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come, behold the works of the Lord, how He has brought desolation on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; He burns the chariots with fire. “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!” The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”    (Psalm 46- ESV)

This Psalm speaks so much about the character and nature of God. 

1.              God is my refuge

2.          God is my strength

3.          God is  my very present help (or also my well-proved help)

4.            God is the Most High

5.          God dwells in holiness.

6.           God is the Lord of hosts.

7.              God is with me.

8.             God is my fortress.

9.             At the voice of the Lord- the earth melts.

10.      God makes wars cease.

11.       God breaks the bows and shatters spears and burns chariots with fire.

12.   God will be exalted over all the nations and earth.

Think for a moment. God is my fortress. My strength. My refuge. I immediately think of castles. They are beautiful and magnificent. Equipped with towers, winding staircases, secret escape passages and rooms. Walls were 15 feet thick in some castles. But at some point the castles fall and were defeated.

But think about when God says that HE is OUR FORTRESS. He cannot be defeated. If I were in a secret tunnel deep within the earth I would feel pretty safe. But think- The Lord God Almighty is my Fortress. I am in Him- is there a safer place to be?
Knowing who God is and that He is our fortress, our refuge, strength and help will cause us not to fear.

WE WILL NOT FEAR THOUGH…… the earth gives way…. Mountains fall into the sea….waters rage and mountains tremble…nations rage and kingdom’s totter...
As believers we should have no fear because we are hidden in the mighty fortress of our God. We should not even fear even the ending of the world.

There are 4 things that this Psalm calls the believer t o do:

1.              We will not fear or (do not fear.)

2.          Behold the works of the Lord

3.          Be still.

4.            Know He is God.

These 4 commands are all connected. We should have no fear because when we know and believe God as the awesome, all powerful fortress that He is it will cause us to be fearless. But knowing God comes when we are still before Him and we behold Him as He is. So often we are not still- knowing He is God and beholding Him as   the all-powerful God and the outcome of not beholding is fear. Whenever we are not delighting and dwelling on the nature and character of God our natural inclination will be to fear and doubt God. The root of all fear is believing a lie When we are not believing and thinking upon the Truth- how easy it is to fall into one of Satan’s lies. When we are beholding God as our refuge, our fortress and help and strength then why will we fear?

How I worry about the littlest of things. Money, jobs, what I am going to do or wear, friends, a future spouse or even, safety and the thought of potential danger or loss of someone that I love. It says that we will have no fear even if the world is to give way then why am I fearing and worrying about the littlest of things when I have Jesus?

Isaiah 26:3-4 says, “You keep him (or her) in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he or (she) trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”

“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”  (Isaiah 54:10)

We may not have armies attacking us like David did in the time this psalm was written but what is coming against us? What are we fearing? What lies are we believing? Why aren’t we beholding and being still before the Lord?

Our fortress as believers is the blood of Jesus Christ. If we are in Christ Jesus, we are clothed in Christ’s righteousness. Nothing can separate or snatch us out of His hand. We can be still be for the Lord, resting in perfect peace because we are within the Mighty Fortress of our God.
I'll end with one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite godly women- Elisabeth Elliot-


"Yet the God who controls the wheeling galaxies and who spoke before the foundation of the world must be the God who holds the smallest circumstance of your life in His hands. We are encompassed on all sides by the Almighty. "His tender mercies are over all His works." "steadfast love surrounds him (or her) who trusts in the Lord," and underneath are the Everlasting Arms." Over, around, underneath. We are enfolded. Can you think of a safer place to be?"