Desert Places, Watered Gardens and Isaiah 58

“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden; like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

-Isaiah 58:11

This is a promise. Notice this isn’t a maybe or a probably or a most likely. No, this is a fact- a clear reality which can be banked upon. He will guide us continually. For He has promised: “I will never leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20b) In every season, every second that our hearts are beating- He is guiding us, leading us and continually with us. There is never a point where we are forgotten, left out, or where God dropped the ball on our lives. No, He will faithfully guide us- even through the scorched and desert places. “He satisfies the longing soul and the hungry soul He fills with good things.” (Psalm 107:9) Even in those wilderness and dry seasons when we feel nothing. We don’t understand what God is doing or how it is for His glory and our good. When we feel betrayed, misguided and abandoned. Jesus longs to meet us there. He reminds us that there is not one step in this life that we will have to walk alone. Often times God takes us to the wilderness and scorched places to remind us that He is truly all that we need. He strips us of all other dependencies and other loves so that we can see that He alone is what we need and the only thing that will satisfy the depths of our longing souls. (Think of Hosea and Gomer)

Elisabeth Elliot wrote these profound and true words on the wilderness:

“We may earnestly desire to be obedient and holy. But we may be missing the fact that it is here, where we happen to be in this moment and not another place or another time, that we may learn to love Him- here where it seems that He is not at work, where His will seems obscure or frightening, where He is not doing what we expected Him to do, where He is most absent. Here and nowhere else is the appointed place. If faith does not go to work here, it will not go to work at all.” -Elisabeth Elliot, (from The Path of Loneliness)

The wilderness season often entails seasons of loneliness, hardships and trials. The reason we must endure those things isn’t because of a lack of God’s faithfulness, love or goodness as the Enemy would like to make us believe. It is the opposite. He is working out a plan greater than what we can fathom. He ultimately knows what is best for us and what will bring Him most glory.

“In the sorest trials, God often makes the sweetest discoveries of Himself.”

–Gems (from Streams in the Desert)

It is in the scorched places where we have the opportunity to be made strong. It is not when life is easy and carefree that we grow most but through the trials, through the pain, through the fiery refinement- that is when we are made most strong. It is in those times that we can learn to feast upon the riches of Christ alone. It is in these seasons where we learn to agree with Asaph’s declaration:

“Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory. Whom have I in Heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire beside You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:23-26)

“And you will be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” When we drink deeply of the Living Water our souls are satisfied yet thirsty still for more and more of Him. As we seek Christ as our Source for life and joy- it can’t help but overflow into every area of our lives. We can’t help but speak of Him and rejoice in His goodness and long that all men may come to the Fountain and find life. People will notice that we aren’t like the rest. We live life a little different from the world- our outlook and perspective isn't the most common or popular, our aspirations and joys are not like the worlds. It should be our prayer that as a result of our lives feasting upon the goodness of Jesus- the world is drawn to the Hope that lives within us. We have the opportunity and privilege to be little springs of water in this thirsty world. And by the power of the Holy Spirit-  lead them to the Well of Living Water- our Source, our Supply, our Satisfier, our Peace, our ever-present Help, our Faithful Guide, our Redeemer.

Whatever stage of this verse you find yourself in- whether it is the struggle to trust God’s leading or guiding in your life- rest in His promises. They are facts. They are realities upon which we can bank our everything upon. Whether it is the struggle to find satisfaction- I urge you dear one to believe - that He alone satisfies us- even in the driest droughts of the soul. Yes, this season is agonizing and painful. I have been there and am well acquainted with this wilderness. It is not easy in the slightest, but dare to believe your God and let Him go to work at your heart. Whether you are in a season where you are as a watered garden- I urge you to continually be watered but Jesus- He alone can produce the fruit in us. There is not a point where we are no longer in need of further grace and mercy. There is no point where we can say, "I have arrived." (As Elisabeth Elliot said once.) Go again and again to your Source. Be continually filled up with more and more of Jesus. When people are drawn to you- point them to Jesus- the One who has made what was once a desolate and dead life- now a flourishing garden full of the life of Christ. May He be your Sustenance and Supply. He is truly the Well that will never run dry.  

“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from the misty lowlands where I have wandered so long.”

-A.W. Tozer

Slavery, The Gospel and a Church Unmoved....

I came home tonight to my warm house in my gated suburban neighborhood.

I live comfortably.

I live safe.

I live most of my days not in fear.

Most of the time I don’t worry about whether I will live to see another day. It’s expected that I will wake up tomorrow morning and go about my day, free to decide my coming and goings and what I do and don’t do.

But to think that just blocks from me- there are women and children who cannot say the same. While I’m safe in my bed tonight, they’re wandering the streets. They’re staying in filthy motel rooms. They’re hiding in abandon drug houses. They don’t live in safety and freedom from worry or fear. No, they live in constant terror. These women children are modern day slaves walking by us in plain sight as we go about our ‘busy and hectic’ lives.

I cannot and do not know how to articulate what those in human trafficking endure. I have heard their stories first hand and seen the tears they have wept as they speak years of neglect, abandonment, violent physical abuse, daily sexual assault, rape, brain-washing and manipulation. This is not a Hollywood plot or a twisted novel. No, this is real life. This is their reality. This is their day to day. This is their normal.

I can give you the overwhelming statistics. I can tell you the horror stories. I can tell you about the injustice.  I can give you all the facts you want.

Yet we stand unmoved.

Ok, our hearts might hurt a little bit because of the stories we hear…yet, it doesn't affect us at the core. Like me, we can go home safe tonight. We don’t have to worry about being violated or sold for someone else’s benefit, lust and greed. We don't have to relive the nightmares of childhood molestation and rapes day after day like they do.

If we’re honest. It’s a lot easier to look away. It’s easier to avoid. It’s easier to plug our ears and say, “lalalalalala… not hearing you.” It’s easier to just think it only happens in third-world countries and not in our backyards. It’s easier to down play the severity of the issue than to see it for what it is.

I say this… knowing that I am guilty of doing this very thing. It is a constant struggle to not look away from this harsh reality and just continue living in my comfortable, suburban bubble.

But I want to call out the church here on this...

We are unmoved. 

Our hearts aren’t broken for these women and children who God created and are made in His image. We go to church every Sunday.  We have mastered the language of “Christianese.” We go to our small groups and hang out with our Christian friends who we feel accepted and comfortable with. We talk about being missional and being a light to a dark world. We raise our hands in worship and sing, “Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause.” Yet, all the while, our hearts aren’t stirred and broken for those we encounter every day who are headed for a Christ-less eternity. Often times, our lives are more about our cause and our agenda rather than for the Kingdom.

 It’s easier to stay in our comfortable little bubble than wake up to the brokenness that surrounds us.
It’s easier to stay unmoved than to ask God to break us. 
Because when we ask Him- He will.

His Kingdom’s cause isn’t about getting more stuff, driving fancy cars and living for the weekends… His Kingdom’s cause is about redemption. It’s about the Gospel redeeming brokenness. His Kingdom is about seeing dead men made alive through the power of the cross. His Kingdom’s cause is about every tribe and tongue confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord of all. So when we ask God for a broken heart and we surrender to His Cause, most likely, we will get our hands dirty. We'll be called to love and serve the lowest of the low- the ones society wants to ignore and turn from. We'll probably go places that will make us uncomfortable. It won't be easy. It won't be risk-free. It won't be pain-free. It won’t be pretty or glamorous. It won’t make CNN headlines or put us on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine. His Kingdom- asks for everything- all of us. Every part of our lives given for His purposes and will to be done. 

What is the solution to our depraved indifference?

1.) Our hearts must be captured by the Gospel. 

We must see our dire need and dependency upon it. We must see that it is truly the solution for every issue- big or small. We must believe that the Gospel is actually transformational and that nothing is too big that the Gospel can’t redeem. The Gospel must be our beginning and our ending. It must be the center and the sole dictator in how we view the world and those around us. 

The Gospel is what this world needs.

These women don’t need just help getting a GED or helping them love themselves or build back their self-esteem- they need the Gospel. That is the solution. This is where healing is found. The pimps and johns- they need the Gospel. Lust, porn addictions and greed isn't the core issue. Yes, that is an outflow of the fact they are dead in their sin. But the core of all of this is the fact that they do not know Christ. They are enemies of God doing only what they believe to be right in their own eyes. They need Jesus. They need the Gospel.  So if the Gospel is the transforming solution for every human heart then we must be drenched in the Gospel if we are going to bring it to the lost.  

We must get the Gospel.

Live the Gospel.

Believe the Gospel.

Proclaim the Gospel.

The Gospel and the strength of the Holy Spirit working through us, is the only thing that will sustain and enable us to love and serve these men, women and children. Human will-power, our own human sense of injustice will not carry us through to see human trafficking come to and end. 

The Gospel is what will stop human trafficking. 

2.) We must be broken. 

“God must have broken things. Those who are broken in wealth, and broken in self-will, and broken in their ambitions, and broken in their beautiful ideals, and broken in their worldly reputation, and broken in their affections, and broken often times in their health; those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon and using for God’s glory.”

–Thomas Toke Bunch

We must be broken over our sin- knowing that we are no better than anyone else. We aren't holier, or more loved by God because of our perfect church attendance, or the fact that we're good people. When we are broken over our own sin and we see God's grace covering us, we will have a lot more love, grace and compassion for those who are lost. We must be broken. Like the quote above states- God must have broken vessels who have died to self and vain ambitions and mediocrity. Our only aim and desire must be to lift high the Name of Jesus and see His Kingdom advanced and lives redeemed.

3.) We must be called to anguish. 

“Anguish means extreme pain and distress. The emotions stirred that it becomes painful. Acute deeply felt inner pain because of the conditions about you, in you or around you. Anguish. Deep pain. Deep sorrow. The agony of God’s heart. We've held on to our religious rhetoric and our revival talk but we've become so passive. All true passion is born out of anguish. All true passion for Christ comes out of a baptism of anguish. You’ll search the Scriptures and you’ll find that when God determined to recover a ruined situation, He would share His own anguish, for what God saw happening to His Church and to His People. He would find a praying man and He would take that man and literally baptize him in anguish…. You see, a true prayer life begins at the place of anguish. You see, if you set your heart to pray, God is going to come and start sharing His heart with you… There is going to be no renewal, no revival, no awakening, until we are willing to let Him once again break us.” 

– David Wilkerson (excerpt from “A Call to Anguish”)

Our hearts must not stay where they are at. We must experience the anguish and brokenness of God’s heart for the lost. We cannot stay indifferent any longer. We must know the Gospel. Our hearts must be captured by it. We must be broken and called to anguish. We must be on our knees for our cities and nation.

 “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

-2 Chronicles 7:14

I wonder how different our cities, our nation and world would look if we actually humbled ourselves and in anguish we prayed and sought the Lord. If we turned from our wickedness, our indifference, our comfort and ease… If we actually believed that the Gospel is greater and bigger than we ever thought possible and it truly changes everything… Maybe, just maybe...we'll have revival again.

 Come, Lord Jesus, come and move Your people to action. 

LIFE: Here and Now.

 I’m a visionary. I’m a dreamer… a big dreamer that is. I’m a planner. I like things laid out and planned out to the T. Maybe that sounds more like a control freak but whatever. J 

For me, the tendency is to always look to the future and say, “If only…” 

If only I had someone.

If only I was married.

If only I had my dream house.

If only I had a better paying job.

If only I had a newer car. 

If only my Pinterest fashion board was actually in my closet.

If only.... Well, you get the point.... then I could be happy. I would actually feel like I have purpose. I could actually start “living' then.

But here’s the lie.

 The Enemy wants us to either… 1.) Look back at our past and believe that life was better back then (Example: the Israelites- even though they had the pillar of cloud and fire to guide them, they wanted to go back to captivity in Egypt. Why? Because leeks and onions and slavery sounded better than manna in the wilderness with the Presence of the Lord.) or 2.) The Enemy will have us look to the future and believe that life will better if we only ______ (fill in the blank) the grass is always greener on the other side philosophy.

He wants us to ignore the present. Here and now, what the Sovereign Lord has appointed for us to do today.

 It’s so easy to think that these days in waiting don’t have significance or purpose. Believe me, I know… it’s hard. Sometimes I feel like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for forty years just waiting for the day to cross over into the promise land.  

Truth is-

We've been given today to live.

Today is a gift.

We woke up this morning. 

Thank Jesus for it. 

There is purpose.

Don’t cast it off as if it doesn't matter.

I’m twenty-two. I’m single. I’m a nanny to twin girls. Most days, I’m wiping baby butts, sweeping Cheerios off the kitchen floor, and chasing after energetic two year olds, all while consuming multiple cups of coffee. Life can be pretty mundane at times. However, I must look at the greater picture of what God is doing rather than just my 3x5 snapshot of life at the moment. He is using this to sanctify me for a greater purpose. This season is necessary. 

When we see that God is up to something bigger than just our little view of life- it gives purpose to the most mundane of days.

As Charles Spurgeon said, “Remember this, had any condition been better for you than the one in which you are in, Divine Love would have put you there.”

So what is Divine Love teaching me? Here and Now?

1.)    He satisfies the longing soul. (Psalm 107:9) He is truly enough. He is the Well that does not run dry. He meets every desire and every longing with Himself. He alone is the satisfier of my thirsty heart.

2.)    He is worthy of my trust. (Psalm 20:7; 143:8-10) Jesus holds every moment of my life in His hands. Every day of my life was written in His book even before I took my first breath. He knows what He is doing. He is Lord over all. He is Sovereign. I can trust Him completely- even when I don’t understand His ways or leading… One thing is for sure. I can trust Him.

3.)    I am not alone. (Deuteronomy 31:8; Zechariah 2:5) He is here. With me. Here and now. He hasn’t forsaken me. He is walking every mile of this journey with me. He goes before me. He stands beside me. He is my shield and defender. I do not need to fear.

4.)    Surrender. (Galatians 2:20) All to Jesus. I surrender. All to Him- I freely give. Exchange my plans- for His. My expectations- for His. Life isn’t about my dreams coming true- True Life is found surrendered at the Cross of Jesus Christ.

5.)    Wait upon the Lord. (Psalm 25:3; 27:13-14) His timing is absolutely flawless. Even when it looks as if nothing is happening or moving forward He is working! He is doing something! I will not be disappointed when I wait and trust for His perfect timing.

6.)    Worship is a Weapon. (Psalm 30:4; 11-12) Worshipping Jesus is a weapon against the Enemy and against an unthankful, restless and discontent heart. It’s not if I worship but what I worship. The Enemy wants me to worship anything but Jesus. Set my heart to worshiping Jesus and continually gazing upon Him. Let every moment become an offering of praise back to Jesus- then I’m reminded of His goodness, His faithfulness and His worthiness. Thanksgiving is one of the least used weapons we have. Cultivate a thankful, worshipful heart.

This gives a whole new perspective to living. Jesus, the Sovereign Lord has appointed today for us to live for His glory, to magnify His Name, to speak of His goodness and faithfulness, to trust Him, to rest in His sovereignty over our lives.

 We have been given today.

So live it.

Whether we’re single, married, in school, flipping burgers at McDonalds, working an office job in a cubicle, or living the dream, we are responsible to live today for the glory of Jesus Christ.

 Don’t get caught up in the things we wish we could change or the things we wish we had.  If we truly believe God is Sovereign over EVERY moment of our lives, and He knows exactly what His children need then we have to believe that here and now is God’s best for us.

Dear friends, find satisfaction in Jesus. Trust Him. Know you are not alone. Wait upon Him and in the waiting- worship Him continually with thanksgiving. Taste and see what He is truly GOOD and all that we will ever need.

“Single life may be only a stage of a life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gift with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time and it has to be lived- not always looked forward to as though the ‘real’ living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

  

Withholdings....

“I just want God’s best for my life.”

Two years ago, when I prayed those words I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into.  For me, I thought God’s best was my dreamiest fairytales coming true and life would happen exactly how I pictured… Sure, there would be a few little bumps in the road- but God’s best is always good so thus, it must be happy, easy, not messy or complicated. (I’m an idealist ok?!?! :) 

What I didn't know when I asked for God's best was that I was walking into two of the hardest, most difficult, uglinest, messy, complicated and depressing years of my life. It was not even close fairlytale- it was more like a constantly, raging battleground for my heart, soul, devotion, affection and life itself.

I’ll spare you the gory details of these two years but bottom line this that they for the majority of the time-SUCKED.  I lost relationships, loved ones, best friends and almost my faith in God and what I knew to be true about Him and who I was in Him. 

I felt hurt, betrayed, abandoned and lost.

You see, I was set on seeing the “BEST” come to pass- the perfect, care-free life finally happen. The love story, engagement, wedding, marriage, house, babies, etc. etc.

Well, truth is that boys have come and went and my hopes got caught up in the thought that THIS might actually be THE ONE. This actually might be my time to shine and fall in love. Time to get the biggest diamond ring put on my finger and FINALLY start planning the wedding I’ve dreamed about since I was 5. I could actually join in on blowing up Facebook and Instagram newfeeds with cheesy selfies for Mancrush Mondays and sapppy declarations of love.. oh and don't forget the perfect, artistically framed engagement pictures...just so that everyone in the social media world would know that MARIAH FOWLER has finally found THE ONE!!!!

Sighhhh...

NOPE.

Mariah is still single.

And as much as I would wish, hope and pray it still wasn’t (and isn’t) happening.

“This wasn’t what I had planned, God. This surely isn’t your best for my life- because if it was- I’d be happy and content right?”

No.

The purpose of all of this is much deeper that just getting my way and the perfect life..

 Let’s face it… IT DOESN’T EXIST!!!!

This is about JESUS getting FULL and COMPLETE glory out of my life.

 This means that life will be hard and painful and awkward and really sucky at times. But in return God gets great glory when we throw up our hands in surrender and say,

“God, I don’t have it all together and I’m a complete wreck and my life is a complicated mess and I have no idea what You’re doing right now and how this will work out. 

But I CHOOSE to believe and trust who YOU are and who YOU say I am.”

In all reality- the fairytale has already begun- His name is Jesus. He is absolutely perfect. He is exactly what I need. His love is faithful and true- never moody, or flakey or failing-even after He sees the ugliest and worst in me. It was actually at my worst- when I was a rebel, dead in my sin that He fell in love- to the point that He gave His very life to redeem me and make me His bride. He has washed me clean and given me a new name- His very own, so that I can be identified with His perfect righteousness and spotless purity. He is Sovereign- He holds EVERY second of EVERY minute of EVERY hour of EVERY day of EVERY week of EVERY year of my life in His hands and not for ONE MOMENT will He stop being God. He will never leave me or abandon me in this life or in the next. 

PERIOD. END OF STORY.

Oh what glorious LOVE He has richly and freely lavished upon us!

So yes, life is hard and in and of myself- my flesh would not have chosen the path that I am walking. But this is God’s best for me- here and now- messiness and all. 

This is    H I S  B E S T. 

Do I still have desires and dreams? YES. Do I still want to get married and have a family? YES. Do I still feel lonely? YES. But in God choosing not to give these things to me in this season is not Him trying to make me miserable or torture me... No, it’s actually because of His great and unfailing mercy that He withholds, even good things, like marriage or relationships. In the waiting, He is using this to sanctify me. Teaching me to continually trust Him and not my own understanding. To rest in His sovereignty. To be content and patient. To enjoy life here and now as a single woman. To believe that His plans are still to prosper even when I've made a wreck of my life.... 

It's not because He doesn't love me that He withholds... it's actually the fact that He loves me too much to let my hope in anything less than Christ. 

Anything short of Jesus will only leave us disappointed and empty.

It is for our greatest good that He does not let us have our way in the end.

The question is.... do we trust Him?

“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what it meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

–CS LEWIS

“You make known to me the path of life. In Your Presence there is fullness of joy. At Your right hand is pleasures forevermore.” 

–Psalm 16:11

Let Us Not Forget....

Have you ever had that moment when you are spending time in the Word and you realize that you are a lot like the person or people you are reading about?? Well, I had a moment this last weekend when I was reading in Nehemiah 8-9. The people of God are repenting and confessing sin after their land is in shambles. So the writer gives an overview of what has happened to the people of God.

So here’s my summary…..

Abram was found faithful so God changed his name to Abraham and made a covenant with him that his descendants would be a numerous as the stars. God’s promise was kept and they flourished until they were held in oppressing captivity in Egypt. God sees their affliction so He raises up a leader-Moses to lead them out of slavery. He shows His power and strength to Pharaoh and all of Egypt by signs and wonders. The Lord divides the Red Sea delivering them from the hand of the Egyptians. He leads them by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. The Lord provides for them giving them everything they need. He gave Moses the 10 Commandments on Mount Sinai. Then they start having troubles. They don’t like the Law. So they refuse to obey and forget all that God has done for them. They make a golden calf to worship and appointed a leader to take them back to captivity in Egypt. Because to them life was better in slavery than freedom in the wilderness. The Lord gave them over to their enemies and they suffered hardship. But the Lord because of His great mercy heard their cries from Heaven. He raised up leaders to fight and save them from their enemies. But after they were delivered and had rested and got comfortable- they sinned and they abandoned the Lord- rejecting His Law. So they were given over to their enemies again- but when they cried out in their distress the Lord heard them and delivered them again and again.

As I read this I had so many interrogative questions I wanted to plague the Israelites with.  

“Really, Israelites? Really??? How could you forget all that God had done for you?”

“How could you rebel when the Lord had provided everything for you? “

“How could you rebel when you had seen all of God’s signs and wonders and how He delivered you out of Egypt?”

“How could you think that slavery is better than being led through the wilderness by God Almighty?”

“ How could you rebel after God delivered you from your enemies?”

But in asking all these questions about the rebellion of the Israelites the Lord so graciously convicted my heart with this very bare and honest reality.

“Aren't you like them too? Remember how you forget all that I have done for you?”

“How I have provided and sustained you and yet you fail to remember that it is Me and Me alone that leads and guides you.”

“Haven’t you wanted to go back to “Egypt” instead of staying in the wilderness where I am?”

This is all so true. The people of God today are probably a lot more like the Israelites in the wilderness than we’d like to admit. We accuse the Israelites of being faithless and rebellious but fail to see the rebellion in our own hearts. We see how they forgot to see God’s goodness and faithfulness and think, “How could they? Wasn't it so obvious how He graciously was caring for them?” Yet, we do the same thing. Failing to see How He mercifully cares and sustains us by His grace and loving-kindness.  We are astonished when the Israelites erect a golden calf to worship but we fail to see or deny the idols we have raised up in our own lives. We see how the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt to slavery because there was “prosperity and happiness” instead of staying in the wilderness with the Lord. Yet, haven’t we wished when trial and difficulty come to go back to our “Egypt?”

Thinking that.....

“Life would be better if I went back to my partying days.”

“Life would be easier if I wasn't so passionate about Christ.” 

“Life would be more fun if I didn't obey all of God’s commands.” 

 Following God is too hard... I'm just going to take a break and do my own thing for a while."

“Surely, He wants me to be happy.”

 Are we not guilty of this?

Time and time again we forget all that the Lord has done for us.

How He has DELIVERED us from sin and death.

How He has REDEEMED us from the penalty of our sin which we rightly deserved.

How He has LOVED us with an everlasting, unending and unconditional love.

How He has ADOPTED us as sons and daughters and given us the inheritance of His very own Son Jesus.

How He has given EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through His Spirit living inside of us.

How He SUSTAINS us by His Grace.

How He PROVIDES for our every need.

How He is FAITHFUL even when we are faithless.

How He is so GRACIOUS and MERCIFUL to our wandering hearts. 

Yes. We are a lot like the Israelites.

But the good thing is that the God of the Israelites is our God too. 

“But You are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and did not forsake them.” (Nehemiah 9:17b  ESV)

He is far more loving, far more patient and faithful than we deserve. Let us not forget that…. “Nevertheless, in Your great mercies You did not make an end of them or forsake them, for You are a gracious and merciful God.” (Nehemiah 9:31  ESV)

Let us not forget.

 Let us always remember.

 Let us always see His goodness. 

Let us always worship.

Even in the wilderness…..

The Bigger Picture...

Writing a post on marriage, love and relationships is just a little daunting for this single girl. I'm not an expert or a seasoned wife writing from years of experience. However, God has been pressing this very thing on my heart for the last little while. I want to share with you what HE has been and is currently teaching me.

 

I think I'm like most  girls- from the time I was little I always dreamed about the day when I would fall in love, plan a wedding, get married, have babies and live "happily ever after." When I was a little girl, I had a beautiful white lace dress that I used to play dress up in. I practically lived in that dress for most of my childhood until I grew out of it. That little dress, made me feel like a princess. I would dance and spin around in it. I even pranced around the house pretending I was walking down the aisle to meet my "imaginary groom." :)
 

The thing that I have realized since those days as a little girl is that marriage goes beyond just falling in love, weddings, honeymoons and white picket fences. Yes, the romance is a vital thing in the life of a couple. But marriage as God intended it to be- can be a beautiful picture of Christ and His Bride.

 

God has made us a people who desire communion, fellowship and intimacy with God and each other... which is a very good thing! When He made the world, there was perfect communion between God and man... yet, "it was not good that man be alone."  Thus, God made a helper for Adam- a woman fit for him who was there to encourage and support him and fill the earth through procreation. As Voddie Baucham says, "Have babies. Have lots of em."

 

But sin entered the world and today, marriages and relationships look far differently from what they did in the beginning and what God intended them to be. There's pain, rejection, hurt, heartbreak, unfaithfulness and divorce.

 

But as Christians, God has first given us the privilege of being called His sons and daughters...bearing His name and then commissioned to be His Hands and Feet in this broken world. But do we realize the weight of what a Christian marriage represents? When we see the big picture of what marriage is, what it can be when Christ is at the center and what it calls us to be- we won't settle for just anybody. God has given us the responsibility and opportunity to be a living, breathing demonstrating and representation of Christ and His love for His Bride-the church.

So love and marriage must be more than just Cupid striking, a feeling, a charmer, a handsome face or saying all the right things.  So if our lives, relationships and marriages are to be patterned after Christ- we must look to Him- the Author of Love, in order to know what love truly is. It is He who created and ordained it for He is Love itself. So we must look through His eyes to know how we are to love each other. If Christ is going to be glorified in a marriage it must be first and foremost made up of a man and a woman who have individually set their sights on the King of Kings and have lost sight of all beside. They must look to Him first as their satisfaction, joy, and hope. Then together they are able to give God glory in their lives individually and together as a couple. It starts with beholding Christ. Looking to Him and as we gaze upon Him- we are made like Him.

 

In Scripture over and over again, God declares His love and faithfulness to His children. They weren't  perfect, obedient children but most of them were unfaithful, unbelieving, distracted, and faithless people. I think we can be a lot like that too sometimes, don't you think?

Yet, God declares,

"I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I will continue my faithfulness to you."

(Jeremiah 31:3)

 

 God pursues His people and loves them regardless of whether they love Him back. Even while we were still sinners- enemies of God- Christ died for us. It was His pursuit of our hearts that drove Him to the cross and caused His blood to be shed on our behalf. His love for us was not because of anything we could do or feeling we could give God but solely because He deeply, passionately loves us.

Voddie Baucham in his sermon series entitled "Love and Marriage" (which I highly recommend) says it better than I ever could.

"Biblical love is an act ( a choice) of the will, accompanied by emotion (not led by emotion but not void of emotion) that leads to action on behalf of its object. Jesus is our model for biblical love. He didn't feel like going to the cross- but He chose to love the church. It was accompanied by emotion so intense that He sweat drops of blood and it led to action on behalf of its object. Jesus didn't need the cross- You and I did. He didn't do it because it made Him feel good about Himself. He did it because it was the only way for His Bride to be redeemed. That is biblical love. This is a love that will last- a love that is stable and it is a foundation for a godly marriage to be built upon."

 -Voddie Baucham

So what does this look like practically? I can't give you a map and say, "follow X, Y and Z and it will turn out perfectly into happily ever after.  But I can tell you is...Look to Jesus. It's only His power through the work of the Holy Spirit that enable us to be the men and women, single people, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers that God calls us to be.

I know this is kind of scattered thoughts but I hope this encourages and challenges you as it has me to be what God has designed us to be.  I'm working on digging deeper into this and will probably write more about it. You'll just have to wait and see! Hopefully it won't be another 6 months before I post again. Promise... I won't.  :)

 

The Difficult Life....

This life is not easy. I have questioned why God allows us to struggle, why He allows pain, heartache, difficulty and pain into our lives. I have asked Him so many questions of ‘why?’ but more than just explanations and answers He proves to me time and time again that He, Himself is the answer. In the midst of despair and trial He shows us that He is truly all that we need and all that our hearts really long for.

Tonight, as I drove home after spending some time in a coffee shop, I began to pray and ask God for the harder way- a difficult life. At first, I wasn't sure if I knew exactly what I was praying.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked myself.

I know what this means and what it will cost but I have no other option.

 This is the way I must go.

This is what He has called me to.

The difficult life will be just that. Difficult. It will be hard. It means following God not matter the cost. It means going against culture and popular opinion. It means complete, daily surrender. It means loneliness. It means being willing to and actually going into the most hellish of places to rescue souls out of the Enemy’s grip. It means losing comfort and ease. It means a potential life of singleness or becoming a young widow (as Elisabeth Elliot did.) It means taking in the worst of the worst, the most broken and misbehaved orphaned children. It could mean living in a dirt hut in the middle of nowhere. It means enduring harsh criticism and persecution. This calling entails hitting the Enemy head on with the force and unction of the Most High and engaging in spiritual warfare and attack.

It could mean losing my very life.

But more than what I “go without” or “lose” in this life it is more about what I get- JESUS. The harder way means living in complete dependence and trust in the Lord. We get to see Jesus move and change lives. We see God provide in supernatural ways. We are able to watch the most broken lives be restored and redeemed. It means seeing the Enemy trampled underfoot as Jesus is crowned KING OF KINGS in what was once Satan’s stronghold. It is having the Living God- His very presence dwelling within us. This life is a God-sized adventure filled with highest joy and greatest reward. The life that God calls us to is not based to our feelings and ups and downs but despite of them, we fix our eyes of Jesus and His very nature and promises. Despite of our circumstances we find joy and peace in Him alone.

Asking for the harder way is completely against my nature and most people’s tendencies. I like everything easy-which probably explains why I despise working out and running. I hate the aching muscles, the sweating and feeling out of breath. But if there is no exercise there are no results. Only more pounds gained and a bigger pooch in my midsection right? But though it is hard it is worth it. Because in the end, we get healthier, stronger, and have more endurance.

Isn't this the same with the Christian life? We don’t like pain, trials and struggles but those are the very things in life that bring the greatest rewards and make us stronger.

There are so many times where the easiest thing to do is sit on the couch, watch TV and put off exercising. So many times spiritually I want to just sit on the couch and ignore what God is calling me to. Deny God’s call for the harder way. I just want to be happy. I just want an easy life. I don’t want to feel the “sore muscles” spiritually. I just want to stay in my safe little Christian bubble.

He has called us to more.

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”  

  -Mark 8:34-36

This is the harder way- a difficult path but it is the path of my Jesus and in His footsteps….. I will follow.

“All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now compared to this

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You

There is no greater thing

You're my all, You're the best

You're my joy, my righteousness

And I love You Lord

Now my heart's desire is to know You more

To be found in You and know as Yours

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life

And to know You in Your sufferings

To become like You in Your death, my Lord

So with You to live and never die”



“Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear)”  words by Graham Kendrick

Nothing Between...

The life of following Jesus requires patience, expectancy and waiting on the Lord for His leading and will to be done. One thing I have realized is that I don’t like to wait. I want my goals, hopes and dreams to be accomplished and to be a reality now rather than waiting patiently for God’s best. With following the Lord comes trials, difficulties and pain. I have realized like most people, I don't like it.... at all. I want to be happy. I want my way. I want what I think is best. 

God could give me all I have ever dreamed, hoped or asked for- He is not limited. However, He is choosing to wait, to refine, to strip all away, so that I may know HIM and ONLY HIM. He could give me my heart’s desire- right now, yet, I would miss the opportunity of intimately knowing His heart and His love. It is because of His great love and mercy that He withholds what we think we long for most so that in the end He may be crowned most dear and glorious in our hearts.

He has called me to wait upon Him and trust Him. Often times, we think the reward of waiting on God is getting the thing that we are waiting for, but maybe our reward is Jesus, Himself?

This is an excerpt from Robert Kelfer’s poem called, “Waiting on the Lord.”

“He seemed to kneel and His eyes wept with me,
And He tenderly said,
"I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give and pleased you would be.
You would have all you want- but You wouldn't know Me."

"You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me when darkness and silence were all You could see."

"You'd never experience that fullness of love as the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save (for a start),
But You'd not know the depth of My Heart."

"The flow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that is beyond getting just what you asked of an infinite God, who makes what you have last."

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that, "My grace is sufficient for you." 
Yes, your dreams for loved ones overnight would come true,
But oh the loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!"

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that:
THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

Through this time of waiting, the Lord has and is stripping me of everything outside of Himself- everything that I find security and joy in apart from Him. These trials, this pain, suffering, dark nights, loss, difficulties are opportunities to reach out to God and rest in His love. It is in His love that He strips us of everything that we cling to and rely on so that in the end all we can say is, “All I have is Christ.”

I feel like I put a quote from Elisabeth Elliot in every blog post, however, this dear woman has been a Spiritual mentor and inspiration for me in this season.  She writes, “I am not a theologian or a scholar but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary for all of us. In my own life, I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the Presence of God and the Love of God.”  

“God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.”  -Elisabeth Elliot

“I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” –Elisabeth Elliot

As we wait, as we trust, as we walk through the dark nights. He is here. He is near. May we live close to Him and may there be nothing between my soul and my Savior.

I'm miles away from seeing the story You're writing
When You give and You take, it's hard to embrace Your timing
When I'm watching the walls burn to the ground around me
I just wanna know what it is, You're trying to show me

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

I'm starting to see why this is called the narrow road
Cause if I wanna walk this way, oh I've gotta stay close
I'd leave anything in the fire to bring us together
I want nothing between my soul and my Savior

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

If it comes between You and Me
Let it burn 'cause You're all I need
You're all I need

I will walk through the fires of life
I will wait in the darkest of nights
I will follow You into the fight
If that's where You'll lead me
I don't know what You want me to see
But I know where You want me to be
Close to You, nothing between

I want nothing between my soul and my Savior
Nothing between

“Nothing Between” –Sanctus Real

Only. Ever. Always. Jesus.

Hello, hello!! First of all, I am sorry I have not posted anything in the last few months. Life has been absolutely crazy for the most part. There have been lots of high points and some difficult things too as well. However, God has been so good through it all. He is definitely moving and working. The Lord has done some amazing things in my life these last few months... I can't give details at the moment but I hope in the future I will be able to share in full all that God has done. :)

In this season of my life, which is somewhat uncertain when it comes to what is next for me or what my future holds, I want to share with you what the Lord continues to press upon my heart.

I am called to Him.

My heart is passionate about many things:  Orphans and the fatherless, Innocent children and vulnerable women, the poor, inner city ministry, missions work, eliminating sex trafficking, passionate worship, and becoming a wife and a mother (someday).  As much as these things are a part of my heart, they are not my first calling.

My first calling is to Jesus; to be like Him, to serve Him, to glorify Him, to love Him, and to tell the world (both near and far) about Him.  Oh to serve and love just like Jesus.  HE is what defines me.  Neither my ministry nor my passions but my one true passion, Jesus, is what defines my life.

I know that the Lord has given me specific burdens that I am very passionate about.  However, I am being reminded that those burdens do not define my life, but Jesus defines me.  He is the reason I carry a burden for the orphans, those enslaved in human trafficking.  He is the reason I desire to be a wife and a mother…to glorify Jesus in my marriage, selflessly serve my husband and raise my children in the ways of the Lord so that they may love Him too.

So whatever or wherever the Lord calls me to go or do... I know that it is for Him, because of Him and only Him and His Spirit within my chest that can do it in and through me. Whether Jesus calls me to be a single, married or widowed woman- that does not define me either. Jesus does. Whether Jesus calls me to have plenty or be in want- rich or poor. My financial status does not define me. He does.

Wherever Jesus places me, I am called to be faithful to Him there-putting all of my strength and energy into it. Shining Jesus to whoever He puts in my life to pour and sow into.

I in no way have mastered this. Honestly, it is a daily choice to believe this and stand in this reality: Jesus defines me. How easy it is to look at our surroundings and think that we would be more valuable if we did this or had this or that. Or "If I was married and had a family... that's when I would finally feel like I will be fulfilled and have purpose." Or maybe it is this, "If I could just go to a foreign country and be a missionary... that is when I will feel like I am doing something for God."

 Believe me, I don't want to be a nanny and hostess for the rest of my life... but it is the choice to find joy, peace in Jesus and purpose in this season of my life.... even though it isn't where I'd exactly choose to be if I had it my way. 

The question isn't  "Where or what am I called to?" but the real question we must ask ourselves is "To WHO am I called?"

 JESUS. JESUS. JESUS.

It's all because of Him.

For Him.

Through Him.

To Him.

May this be the testimony of the saints. The state of the church. The desire of our lives and goal of our families. Our hearts and lives being fixed ever, only and always on Jesus!! 

Every Reason to Trust.....

Confession. I am a planner. I always have and probably will always be. I was the girl that started packing for a trip weeks before. I’m the girl who has dreamed of weddings from the time I was little and I have lists of future baby names that I have made over the years. In my head and in my “plans” for my life it looked so simple. Go to college. Major in this degree. Fall in love- get married and have a baby 2.5 years later. Have 4-6 children about 2 years apart- two biological and the rest adopted. Yeah, it seemed like I had it all figured out right? Well, God has a great sense of humor because everything that I had “planned” has not happened. I have not gone to college and pursued a degree. I don’t know when or if I will get married. I don’t know if I will have children either.

I am so thankful for this. If I knew how everything turned out. If I had a very clear picture of what I was supposed to do with my life then there would be no reason to fully depend on the LORD. Not knowing the future or at least no having an idea of what is next goes completely against my nature. But it is through this that the Lord turned my self-reliance and independence to reliance and dependence upon Him.

Psalm 139 says, “O LORD, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways…..You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me….Where shall I go from Your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your Presence? Of I ascend to Heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me….. For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139: 1-3; 5; 7-10; 13-16)

 

Do we see these verses as realities in our lives? That God knows us intimately because He formed us and made us and His works are wonderful? Do we believe that God is continually with us? That there is no place where we can flee from His presence? That all our days were ordained for us even before we took our first breath?

He knows us. He knows us intimately. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows every thought, every emotion we experience. He knows every fear and care. He knows every joy and every tear. He knows the past, present and future. He holds everything in His hands and there is nothing out of His reach.

My friends, do we believe this? Do we believe this as a reality for US- for OUR LIVES? Do the ways we live our lives reflect this solid Truth? That we live our lives in faith- trusting in the Author and Creator who is sovereign over all and faithful to guide, direct and lead, provide and protect us?

If we believe this- we have every reason to TRUST GOD.

We may never understand God’s leading or why He allows us to go through difficulties, tragedies and trials, but we, God’s children can fully depend upon our Good Father whose ways are above our own, and whose wisdom is beyond us.

Though, I may not know the way I go- but oh, I know my Guide!